Be one with the rain.

 Every single runner I run into (ahahaha) says, "oh did you hear about this 5k race? Its a good one!" or.. "Im doing this next weekend" (insert massive talk up here so your dying to do it without knowing what the race is actually for.) Its hard to smile and stick to my guns; absolutely no more 5k's, 10k's or any other kind of k's until after my half. Zilch, nada, NONE. It's so hard. I think I'm going to have to stay off the race calendar from now until the 24th. It just might be the only way. Sigh.. oh the hardships of being a race addict.

 Today being wednesday was my meet up with the other running group. I pissed and moaned, throwing it back and forth on whether or not to actually go all day. One second, I was dead set against it; my muscles ache badly (so sorry thighs.. but I'm sure you understand..) and the sky looks oh so threatening. I do not run in the rain. Its hard to see when you wear glasses - and unless I really from the depths of my soul need a run, I do not enjoy it.  Then I talked myself into just getting dressed, a little trick I learned from Runners World magazine. (I owe you!) When I looked in the mirror and thought, I don't want to go because in these comfy (not willing to change) work out clothes, I don't look athletic. WHAT?!? Even for me, thats the stupidest excuse I have ever used to date. So off to run I went. And I hated every mile, every second, every stride of it. It was the kind of run where your iPod might be saying that your keeping a good, strong pace but you just feel like you're not moving. I even thought to myself at one point that an elderly person could out run me. (Even now, I wouldn't be surprised.) The rain was one of those miserable drizzles and all I could think about was the fact that my shoes would be getting wet. At one point, I simply wanted to lay down in the middle of some random persons yard and quit. But you know what? When I was done, I felt great and accomplished. I would force myself to do that exact run over again in a heart beat.  I truly believe that there is something to be learned from each and every run. I think the less than perfect ones keep you humble.

 The best part of my run, and to make my splendid day even more splendidy-er The Woman got me a new pair of running shoes for our three year anniversary! Holy excitement!... She loves me. Yes, its a few days early but with the half so close we can't waste absolutely any time breaking them in. I went to a real place to get them - they measured my feet (and it was then determined that I had been buying my shoes half a size too small ALL this time. Way to go.) and they let me try em' out on their treadmill. Oh what a nice nice treadmill. I keep secretly fantasizing about getting take more than a three minute run on that baby. Any who... I think that my shin pain could be partly attributed to poor support in my old shoes so we went with the most support they had to offer. I still got to stay within the Nike family! - thank god because there wouldn't be enough time in the world to grieve and then get over that loss. I took them out for the four and a half mile run from hell tonight and absolutely loved them. Great sneaker - so far, I couldn't be happier.

These are the rest of my babies.. One is old, burnt out and retired. Another is brand new but I only use them for short distances. One I learned isn't even a pair of running shoes (umm wtf Nike??). And the other is my favorite racing shoes yet they screw me over each and every time by eating away at my ankles.  Regardless of there imperfections, quirks and other what-have-yous... I love them all. (Not exactly equally, but there is love none the less.) The best part about coming home from a crappy run? Having my two cats willing to cuddle up to my stinky, over run, rained on self. Sometime the only thing that separates me from being the crazy cat lady is a pair (or five) of running shoes... and other times, the only thing that separates me from being the crazy running lady are my cats. <3

Hit the trails running.

 The feeling of fall excites me, I can step out side - at any time of the day and be struck with the motivation to run. No more sizzling heat, or relying on caffein for a jolt (but who I am kidding, I'll still suck coffee down like its my job anyways!) It's like having an entirely new world - a new play groud, and it's all yours.  Even "bad" runs are less crappy in the fall. So your legs hurt, your stomach might crawl up your throat, you're burnt out, your shoes are burnt out, bugs are flying down your throat and into your belly - but it hardly matters. You're not not being smothered by the sun - and thus, it is a good run (yes, bug guts and all. Mom says its a good source of protein. yum.) When the air changes like this, I always have the burning desire to do so as well. I could use a good change but for now, Im excited and content with watching my miles wrack up. I hope being a slave to the sun will pay off in the cooler months like every one says. I'll be mighty cranky if it doesn't. You've ben warned.

 I keep taking myself further and further away from home when I run - it's my (sometimes) cruel way of making sure the miles are getting in. I know that no matter what, I have to get myself back home - and if I run it, I'll get there faster. See the sick connection? Anywho, sick or not, I love pushing my limits and I feel like the fall months really allow me to do that.  These pictures are some of the GORGEOUS views from Monday's 7 mile outing. I find having pretty things to look at is great motivation/ distraction. You want to push yourself to and around the upcoming corner just to be able to see what might come next. Even if you've run that route before, it's never the same twice. A quick (or not because sometimes I just ramble) side note; running alone really makes you appreciate the volunteers from your races. Not only do they provide you with water so you don't dehydrate and die, but they protect you from traffic so you don't get run over. Even if I don't take the water cups from them (I have had bad experiences with it going up my nose. Not a good time.) I thank them. Without them, we would be dehydrated road kill. I wonder how many other runners realize that.

Yesterday I went out with my boys (the running club) and did over six glorious miles of trails. To say that I am in love with trail running would be a complete insult to how I really feel. I like racing (and placing) a whole lot, but long distance and trail running? That's where my heart really is.  Having them at the same time? Euphoric. It reminded me of camping as a little kid , running through the woods - those were some good times. And to relive something like them as an adult screams "I'm one big kid!" My shoes were a mess, as were my legs by the end but I could care less. I remember my parents would say (at camp, none the less) that being messy was the sign of a good day. Yeah well, I had a great day. It has become my mission of the fall the find more trails and run them until my legs fall off. I can hardly wait.



A lot has been going on in my world outside of running - like today for instance, I had an interview with that company I so badly wanted to work for and... got the job! My new title is "Coach Heather" and I will be teaching nutrition and fitness to younger kids. The irony in this situation? Before I left long island every one would ask me what I was planning to do for work.. and I would say (almost as if I was dreaming to be an astronaut or something) that I wanted to teach fitness to little kids or coach. In return, I would get blank stares. Maybe even once or twice I heard crickets in the back ground. Where they chirping or laughing? The world may never know. But any who, I actually got everything I asked for.  I am already in love with the job but there needs to be more than that; I need/want to be good at it. These kids deserve the best, my best. I want this to be everything I have hoped for and then some. Just like everything else I suppose, only time will tell. Im excited... and terrified, but I'm hoping only one will shine through.

Blood, sweat and tears.. of joy

Three days have passed since my 5k race, and here I sit, still in awe with the out come. I definitely feel like I have some sort of running guardian Angels. Here are the stats :

WNY Running Hall of Fame:

 First place in age group. (1/14) 

22/121 in gender. 

124/292 over all. 

Time: 24:49

Pace: 7:59 per mile. 

I owe my mother and my adrenaline for my victory, but mostly my mom. The day of my race, just hours before heading out the door, a little package arrived in the mail. To heather, love mom - and besides love, it included a mini tube of a little something called bio freeze. AMAZING stuff. ( I honesty hate that I didn't know about this stuff sooner!) With that little miracle, I felt as if I could run forever - okay, maybe not forever, but defiantly the required 3.1 miles. Goodbye pain!

Im in LOVE with this photo. I feel like a ghost.

This race was straight up insane. I don't know any other way of putting it. I decided not to toe the start line, mostly out of fear. Last thing I wanted was not to be able to work up enough speed and as a result get trampled by 300 other un injured (or so I assume) runners.  So I stood a couple rows back and a little off to the side (later, as in now, I slightly regret this decision because it caused me to lose about 20 - 30 seconds worth of time. I am not a fan of the buffalo race scoring system) Anyway - waiting for gun time felt like an eternity. And ETERNITY I tell ya'. And trust me when I say, my heart was racing WAY before my legs. I always get nervous before a race, but never anything quite like this. So bad. Were talking shaky knees and everything - they say never to try anything new on race day and having the jitters that bad was definitely new.  I started off just a little slower than usual, trying to use any pain as a pace gauge and when I hardly found any - I ran that race as if my freaking life depended on it. And to me, it did.  When Im in a race, I'm in it - completely. People always ask me what the course was and I can never tell them. I could be running in the land of make believe and I wouldn't know the difference. Its all a blur to me, much like my self int this picture. I always find some sort of hidden "Oomph" when I know the finish line is lingering somewhere in the near future. I have no idea how I do it, but I do. I heard the woman cheering on the side lines - but I didn't dare look at her even though I so badly wanted to - when I'm going that fast, Im always so scared of tripping and busting my face.  I wish I could run the entire race like that, but I almost guarantee that I would throw up. I always want to when I cross the finish. My body HATES the sudden stop, but thank god, Ive been able to keep that under control (knock on wood) thus far.  That's one of my biggest fears for my half marathon; throwing up at the finish. I suppose if I had to choose between not finishing or finishing but puking - I'll take the puking. No questions asked. I wish I could apologies in advance.  Maybe I'll send a letter.

When I actually crossed that finish line and realized that I finished only 45 seconds slower than my PR, I was ecstatic. Were talking so happy that I actually fought off tears of joy. I admit that it doesn't take much to make me cry, but to be brought to tears out of my own  accomplishment? That never happens. I can't even properly describe how good it felt. Not only was this race up to my standards - even really injured, but having it be over was like a weight lifted off my guts. Being so relived however allowed my to actually feel how torn up the skin on my ankle was. I knew it hurt, and it was probably a little bloody - but holy crap. (again, thank you adrenaline for letting me not be too bothered by it while racing.) Im not saying I didn't feel it, somewhere near the mile and a half mark  it hurt like absolute hell - but something in me had ignited and wasn't about to be stopped by a little blister. Despite my precautionary measures, it was indeed my NYC 5 mile run all over again. I hate when racing fears come true mid race. It takes a little extra effort to really stay focused. (never mind the fact that it was almost 90 degrees out..) Yes, it was the same pair of shoes as the 5 miler blister, but to their defense, I train in them ALL the time. They only act up like this sometimes, but usually that sometimes is indeed during a race. Three days later, it looks ten times worse than in the picture. I don't even know how that's possible, but it is.  Trust me, I am anything but impressed by the dried pool of blood that now resides in my sneaker. yuck. Any who - some of my Front Runner running buddies were there; we've become a great support team for each other and I loved having them to be part of my accomplishments and being able to be part of theirs. They were so proud of my first place; as was the woman (proud and shocked, may I add) - the whole thing just felt incredible.

This was the award they gave out for placing in an age division - it's not the trophy or medal that I'm used to, but I do love it - a lot. The quality is amazing (even though it is adidas and Im a Nike girl!) and it has the name and date of the race on it. Definitely a unique prize. (The real prize for me was having such a good race despite my - what I thought would be - limitations. Goes to show you what a little determination, love from mom and the support of a girlfriend will do.) When they called my name not only did they barely butcher my last name, but I walked proud (and barefoot...ouch) to collect my award because I knew that I really deserved this one. My age group is difficult enough and that in itself led me to believe that I wouldn't place. Perhaps this victory felt the sweetest because it was the most unexpected. Whatever it is, I'm very grateful. Any who, I'm not really much of a bag person, but I've been filling it with any un necessary what -have- you I have laying around just because I want to wear it everywhere. At least continuous use won't result in being stinky like if it were the tshirt I was so bummed about not getting.  (Side note, and in my defense, I really do have arm muscles - they are in the front of my poor little arm and they  just don't have enough strength to shine through here. I've worked really hard for them and it kills me to post this picture and not have them show! Admittedly so, I have been slacking on the weight training. I can't wait to get back in the gym for that reason alone. I do have weights at home, but theres something about the gym that is much more motivating.)

When the after race festivities died down, The Woman wanted to take me out to celebrate so we wandered ( I did something that resembled something more like hobbling) around looking for a new place to have dinner. It meant the world to me that she not only took the time out of her studying to watch a run we both thought was going to be a little... slow, but she continued to take time away from her studies to spend an evening out with me/for me. She really is something. The whole night was nice, but nothing feels greater than when she is proud of me. Being out for dinner was ridiculously exciting- as if I wasn't excited enough, it was like getting a surprise date! I love dates of ay variety, but the unplanned ones are always my favorite. Any who, dinner was DELICIOUS - we went to this little greek place in the village where they offered these unique pizzas (amongst other traditional greek food, but I'm not much of the traditional type). I can't wait to go back... It was the perfect ending to a great run. And because I placed in the 1st annual, I'm already looking forward to next year and having to opportunity to "defend" my spot. Trust me, the insanity never quite ends. Life would be so boring if it did.  ;)  

It's about that time....

 Seven hours until go time... but who's counting? After hardly sleeping AT ALL last night, I have woken to be surprisingly calm. The calm before the storm? hmmm.  I may not be able to give this race my over all best, but I am determined to give it my current best. There really isn't another way to look at it. To be honest, I was scared that people who didn't know I was hurt would look at my time, what ever it may end up being, and be like... ummm some runner you are. (I know, I know, Im supposed to think "who cares?") That's  scary and hard for me because I always give my best and usually have something awesome to show for and be proud of. I think that no matter what happens today, I will still be proud and The woman will be too, That's enough for me.  Every race can't be your best, your smoothest, your most comfortable, a new PR - today, Im trading in skill for dedication and determination, and Im simply going to run like I still deserve to be there. In fact, I do deserve to be there. I've put in one hell of a season so far and it's not even close to being over. So I'm picking myself up, brushing off the dust of me, my sneakers and my pride and I'm going to finish that race - with a positive attitude - like it is my one and only job . My goal today is to simply not give up, yes even if that means finishing last.  Shocking, I know. Maybe sleep deprivation is finally getting to me. Maybe running in the back of the pack will give me a new perspective. (I have to at least hope.)  My former PR is lucky that I can't stomp all over it today... that doesn't mean that I won't. Im not going to let this stupid injury suck the life and fun out of something that I love so much.

 I'm treating today as if it were any other normal race - plenty of water, down time and carbs. I will spend the usual amount of time (if not more) making sure both my body and mind are prepared and content. I keep telling myself, out loud at times, that it will be okay. I know this isn't the olympics; but it's my personality to treat every single race, run and everything in-between like it is that important. I take my running seriously, but today - I have to not take myself so serious. There is no shame in trying and falling a little short - the important thing is that you try. I'm going to try try try until my head... or leg falls off. Pain or not, Im looking forward to a run. Bring on the challenge.

A picture is worth 1,000 words.

<----This is
how I spent much of my day. Hung up with a ziplock bag FULL of ice cubes and 3m painter tape to keep it in place. (Note to self; buy saran wrap.) At least the tape was pretty. I ended up in this bad of shape because I insisted that I was fine and dandy enough to go out for a run yesterday.  Way to go. To say the least, I am ridiculously unimpressed.





Instead of running today, I  did a bit of light house work, like the good "house girlfriend" that I am  and  then lounged around (stressing) and making  this : Isn't he cute? See, there is another side of me - I do have hobbies/ "talents" instead of just running all the time. If I keep the mind and the hands busy, then it takes longer for the legs to realize that they are sitting still.  I have a few more projects in mind for tomorrow to keep me busy until race time. If this were under different circumstances, I'd be having a blast. I love craft days! (I just happen to love running more.)

Considering that I had huge goals for this race, not running it actually crossed my mind. But then I thought, what it the more honorable thing to do? Withdraw because you're afraid of a bad time or run it because it's about finishing what you started. I may have mentioned a time or two that I don't start things unless I have every single intention of finishing them. I think it takes a bigger person, a bigger athlete to own your limitations then to sit on the side lines out of fear. Pain or not, I can run 3.1 miles. I have taught myself to be stronger than that. So off to packet pickup I went. To the left is what they gave us - Im excited to put iced coffee in that mug thingy (but again, where is the t shirt??) The lady that handed this stuff out was really nice; She told me that Im going to do great. For the sake of sleeping tonight, I'm choosing to believe her.
After the woman and I went to a  little coffee place across the street just to get out of the house. You see those bars behind the elephant and coffee? They are about the only thing (oh yeah, that and ridiculous pain) that kept me from hopelessly chasing after every single runner that passed me. There must have been 25+ of them. By that point, I had enough of the outside word and its cruel jokes.
I was in dire need of a little pick me up.

<---- new running clothes always make me happy, so off to target we went. (the t-shirt to be fair is new, but not new new.. I've had it for a month or two. Thank you forever 21 and your three dollar shirts. They are some of my favorite things to race/run in) The shorts were my little fix of joy. I figured if I was going to have to run slow as hell, I may as well look cute and feel cute while doing it. How can some one not get even a little excited about debuting new run gear? If Im not thrilled about the race, this definitely fills the void. Man oh man, am I excited! Not only are the bright shorts AWESOME by themselves, they will help the woman be able to find me in the massive crowd of runners. ( I think they are estimating 4,000 plus. No that is not a typo.) Im pretty consistent with finishing times, but we have no idea what to expect tomorrow  so she won't know when to start looking for me. Something tells me that these will help.

Elroy says, "Don't worry mom, I'll run for you"

"I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, Sir, because I'm not myself you see."

 When there is something unpleasant going on in my life I literally run away from it. I lace up my sneakers as a warning to leave me alone and then, just like that I am gone. I had, what started out to be, a really great therapeutic run just the night before last. I ran on a different side of town - it was so beautiful and distracting. Then I made the realization that all the runners hang out there and Im not going to lie, I felt a little intimidated. They were all hauling ass and me? I was just going for a late night "stroll". I wasn't training, collecting miles, paying attention to pace or time or trying to be the fastest - I was trying to get away. Im not going to lie again, its hard to keep that mentality when everyone is town in running past you. I almost felt like I was in the way.

 It ended up to be a painful run; four and a half miles in and my stomach hurt like hell (I know it was my fault, from the days events proper nutrition and hydration were no where to be found. Shame on me because I know better.) Somewhere in the beginning of that run my shin started to burn, then hurt, then become excruciatingly painful, so trying to do the responsible thing, I have been off of it ever since. I've been icing, soaking, elevating.. yada yada yada. Research says it could be shinsplints, They also said it could be a stress fracture. Either is possible considering how high I have recently jacked up my miles. Not to run yesterday, when I felt like I really needed it sucked. Really bad. Running for me is it, my sanity, my salvation, my greatest personal achievement, my whatever I need it to be and to not have it? It's hard.  I need to find something to put in its place for these kind of instances.

 Im beyond scared because I have a 5k on friday - one that I was going to try and push a new PR out of. Okay fine, there is always next year for that, but what about my half? That's only a couple week away. If I stay off it and rest, it could be completely healed by then... but then what if I lose so much endurance that 13 miles healed or not is completely out of the question? Everyone tells me to stop trying to predict the future.. And believe me, I get that. But they have to "get" that this half is everything I have been working for so far.  I think I have the right, and then some to be a little scared. Im trying to be positive.


<----



On a slightly different, much more edible note, my wonderful woman has been finding ways to satisfy my sweet tooth. Hellooooo desert heaven. Were talking all of my favorites; graham crackers, light cool whip, banana and of course, peanut butter.  I could eat this every single day. All day.  We have slight variations to the "recipe", but this one is my favorite. I simply can't resist her decorative peanut butter skills.

Emotions running wild.

 I know, I know - Where the hell have I been? The simple (and most honest) answer? I've been all over the damn place. Mostly running, spending time with my perfect little family and trying to deal with and in turn grieve the loss of an amazing person. Both my head and heart have been so full as of lately, but when I come here - all I see is the blank spot waiting for my thoughts and in turn I go blank.  Im breaking out of that right now. Welcome back to life Heather.

 My 10k for the Roswell Cancer institute was saturday and even though I didn't place, I couldn't be more proud of my performance. I set an out loud (for others) goal of an hour, but for myself? I wanted to do it in 55 mins - well? How's 55:34 for ya? It felt like all of my hard work over the last few weeks had really paid off. It was as if I could physically see all of my time and dedication un folding mile after mile. I chose not to toe the start line - something completely out of my norm, but to be fair this race wasn't exactly the norm. In fact, to me, it wasn't even a race. It was a run. A run to celebrate, appreciate and remember my grandfathers three year battle with cancer. A run to maybe find some closure or the chance to feel like he was around me, even proud of me, just one more time. Having his "In memory of" card pinned behind me was more like having him, his encouragement at my back. Much better than the wind if you ask me. He was always so proud of my running, I remember how he'd always say, "make sure you call me and let me know how my champ did." I like to think now that he has the best view in the house and I have the best Angel out there.  I love races that are near and dear to me. After loosing him just a day over a month ago, and then loosing her just days before the event, I wanted to metaphorically stomp on cancer , demand that it stop hurting and then taking away my loved ones - and I had an entire 6 miles to do it. Therapeutic to say the least. Crossing that finish line was like picking up where they both left off. To date, it just might be one of my biggest accomplishments.

Let's lighten the mood a little. =) Pre race breakfast. A regular bagel with peanut butter, a side of more peanut butter and of course a coffee. This little combo is starting to become (an early morning) race ritual. Thank you race mornings for allowing me the confidence and ability to go through with eating a entire non whole wheat bagel. 

 To be up that early (6:30 am) in Buffalo guarantees you to see the STRANGEST people. Its almost like being back in NYC. (Its good when I need just a little fix!) I like it even better when I can watch it from behind the safety of a locked car door, thank you very much. At least it lightens the mood, race mornings can get a little tense.

The event was sponsored by Tops (our local grocery store) so when I went the day before to pick up my bib number and what not - this is what they gave out.  Gotta say, my favorite is the gift card (totally buying vita tops with that!! yummy. It gets hard to be part of running a house hold and feed your vita top addiction all at the same time. They are so expensive.) And the bandaids! Grown up bandaids are so boring so naturally I love these. I honestly used them race morning to avoid blisters...(flash back to the NYC 5 mile pride run.. *shutters*) The rest of it is all very nice, and yummy... but... I'm all about the race t-shirts! This way, if I don't place, I'll have something to remember it by. Im not going to lie, I was a tad bit bummed. 

Thankfully, they sold them at the race and thankfully my girlfriend is all shades of awesome. (she got it for me!) I don't have any jersey like ones so I'm excited to add it to my collection.  SCORE. They also gave out some energy gels - I've been told they taste like complete crap but never the less, I am eager to try it! Also pictured is my race bib and Grandpa's in memory of card. 

Race stats! (because yes, I am that crazy!) :

Over all - 129 out of 273 (men and women combined)

In gender - 41 out of 129 

In age group - 7 out of 20

Pace - 8 : 58

Time - 55 : 34

I've spent the past few days after my 10k running ( I went out with my running club for our typical sunday run despite waking up with no voice and feeling like hell.) and getting ready yet again. This friday I have a 5k (making this pre race week -  again) It's the last of my smaller races before my half so I'm going to try and enjoy it. It would even be awesome to set a new PR, but we'll see. I'm trying not to put too much pressure on myself - I still have 4 days to sit and stir on it.

Runner; 1- Rest day; 0

 With my 10k so close, my milage so high and my muscles so sore, I made myself take a mini rest day. I don't understand why it is so extremely hard for me to sit on my butt and do nothing all day. But it is hard, torturously hard. I planned on taking a yoga class only to find out they were doing promo filming during that time. No thank you. The anxiety over being watched totally defeats the entire purpose of yoga. Just saying'.

<--- This is one of my absolute favorite snacks, but to be honest, I could probably put peanut butter on ANYTHING and have it be considered a favorite. I've resorted to buying pre packaged "peanut butter to go" portions because I simply can not be trusted with an entire jar. They say that peanut butter is good for runners, and we should infact eat it - so I use that as permission to eat it way too often. The bananas are a new addition - I'm in love.



----->This was dinner.. yuuuumy. Nothing fancy, just some brown rice and stir fried veggies, but so good. I could have sat there and eaten it all night but didn't out of fear that my stomach might actually explode. Im very lucky that my woman likes/has time to cook because otherwise I would starve. I bake well, but actual cooking? Yeah not my thing.  My last attempt resulted in setting off the smoke detector not once, but three times.  Way to go Heather, way to go.

The woman and I went for a two and a quarter mile run tonight and had a great time. (at least I did, and I think she did!) It's nice running with her because she's not a runner. The idea is to just get out there, do it, and have fun.  It's nice because I'm not freaking out about a pace or extreme milage. My time with her out on the pavement is so fulfilling that those two and a quarter miles feels amazing. Now that she is so busy, I appreciate those little runs together even more than before. I'd say that we are a good team.  Of course a good team isn't anything without their cheerleaders : 

A day in the life.

The everyday sights in Buffalo are more than enough to keep my somewhat simple mind entertained. I found it out side of my favorite coffee shop, was he there the last time I was? Where else in the world would you walk down a seemingly normal street only to find a hand made squid? I wonder how many people have walked by it, failing to realize that it's not just a blob.  Am I the only one who wants to know more about the person that actually put him there? I love this cites creativity. It definitely strikes one of my own creative nerves. 

 Today over all was insane; so many twists and turns, one after the other that it hardly feels like the same day. Lets start out with the fact that my 10k is 3 days from today. Yes three. Freaking out? yes, yes and more yes. Want to add some more freak out, simply for the fun of it? That half marathon I've been mentioning? One month from today. That's it.  I gaze at the calendar date like a deer in the headlights and then wave of emotion hits, excitement mixed with a whole lot of "what the hell were you thinking!!" I like to feel like thats normal. I would also like to think that despite my constant freak outs that I'm really going to pull this off. (It doesn't however help that I keep having pre race nightmares - the latest one is me showing up to the race extra early - as usual and still missing gun time. )  Next, one of the jobs I applied for called today - we didn't set up an interview date but she did say that she would call with an update within a week. Such a nice woman and I hope to have left some sort of a memorable impression on her because I really want this job. I guess we will see. Did I mention that I really want this job?

 Last week I joined an online meet up group for runners at a local sports store. I can't even portray to you how excited  I was to have stumbled upon it. Every day I checked the stats; 1 member attending. Can you guess who that one member was? Yep, me. Yet every day I still planned on going - until today. After the attendance estimate hadn't changed, I decided not to go. What if I looked like a fool showing up to a group that every one else in Buffalo knew no longer existed? Well, it must exist silly, my brain would argue, why else would it still be on line? But my lawyer like mind would come up with yet another argument and I was back to square one; square one being that I was not going. And then my woman got into my head. Why not try, she had me convinced. What's the worst that could happen? No ones there? so what, turn around and go home. On my way out the door, I told myself over and over that this was just another challenge and it would make me into a better runner. (I'm convinced I can do anything as long as it will make me a better runner. Let's not ruin that idea.) But putting myself out there, taking a chance, interacting with others? Even if that wasn't the key to being a better runner, It's the age old key to becoming a better person. And you know what? I wasn't the only one there, in fact there were dozens if not more, and I had a great time.  I met other runners my age - of all ages really, and experiences. We ran 4.2 miles together through a place I've yet to see. It was challenging but a good time rolled into one - and to top it off?? I found my jelly beans! The one person I asked about them said really great things, I can't wait to pick a long run day to try them. Also pictured is the arm/ leg warmers I found for ten bucks! ( I say leg because my arms are too skinny to have them properly fit. Big surprise.) There was a free magazine (score!) and last but not least, my 13.1 sticker for my car. It seemed fitting to get it today, plus it is finally a reality that I can stop being jealous of the other runners (and their cars) who have earned them. I can't wait until next wednesday! I'm really hoping to find some real friends within this adventure. Crazy day? yes. But a lot is changing and change is always good.

What does not kill us...

 I am a ridiculously proud member of the Buffalo front runners and even though my involvement has only been as long as I've lived here, I really feel like part of the "team". I couldn't have asked for more wonderful people. Aside from their sparkling personalities, what draws me in is the challenge. Here I am, running over a 7 mile course today with way more experienced people. Not to mention, most if not all the runners are men, leaving my short womanly legs scrambling to keep up. Their "I'm just taking it easy" pace is COMPLETELY different then mine. So it pushes me and secretly, I like it (but not in the moment, in the moment I actually find myself somewhat doubting my sanity.) After last nights long run, (and nursing sore muscles) todays run literally kicked my ass. Not only am I pumping out the miles, but the pace... oh man the pace could undoubtably kill a small animal (and I say that because the small animals legs would be even shorter than my own.) We planned on four laps, but as we were ending the third I wanted to give up. I talked myself through it - this is hard now, but in the long run, it will make you a much better, stronger runner. Just hang in there. And I did, stomach pain, muscle pain, nausea, fatigue and all. It feels like an accomplishment now that those side effects have since worn off. (I attribute the stomach pain to not enough water.. I know better than that.) In the last two days, I've done almost 15 miles. I'd be lying if I didn't say how happy (and proud) I am of that. Keep it up self, keep it up. My confidence of my ability for my half is growing.

Any who, Im dying to try these jelly beans for my longer runs, even though admittedly I don't yet know very much about them. My biggest problem seems to be hunting them down and I don't feel entirely comfortable getting them off of the internet. Oh what to do what to do. I know it's early to even be considering this, but would it be completely absurd to ask for these in my Easter basket? I mean they are jelly beans after all ;) The fuel belt I want for my half reeeaaal bad. Every 5k race I have run, I pass the water station, catch the cup, go to take a nice (well deserved and much needed) sip only to have it all go up my nose. Lets face it, I can't walk and drink water, let alone run. I feel like this would save a lot of stress and eliminate the possibility of dehydration. The only problem? Same thing as the darn jelly beans! I can't find it! Even on line, finding this color, in an extra small (or anything in an extra small for that matter) is darn near impossible. Im starting to run out of time here; and my patience (and hope) is running after. I think I might do my muscles a favor and treat them to a nice bubble bath. I am completely exhausted. 

Have a little faith.

 It poured on sunday - we're talking buckets and buckets of water that never seemed to ease. So I did the unthinkable and took the morning off from running club (insert gasp here). Instead I took in some extra, much needed sleep, I don't think my pillow ever felt so good. I was so beat that I didn't even think twice about going back to bed - however waking up feeling refreshed made it possible to regret and feel guilty about missing my run. At least if I would have stayed groggy I would have been too out of my mind to register and ultimately care. Mistake duly noted. To make matters worse, on my way to a friends house I noticed two women running in the same storm that I opted to run away from. If I could have kicked my own butt while driving, I would have. I admired their dedication and simultaneously wondered where the hell was mine?

 Today was just one of those days. I did what I had to do around the house, paid bills, sent out applications but when it came time to go for my run - I got as far as putting on my socks. So there I sat, Pj's and running socks. Motivation was clearly not one of my wardrobe options today. So I waited and waited for that urge to wash over me - you know the one that screams, "must run now" and doesn't shut up until you listen, but it never came. And I never went. Hours passed as if they were simply bleeding together. I hate these kinds of days, so with the help of my woman I decided to do something about it. Two words : worth it.

We went out for coffee (not my favorite place mind you, they have some whacked out hours and I feel like they are closed more than they are open. sigh) And after catching a beautiful and much needed coffee high, the "must run urge" kicked in loud and clear. Thank you thank you thank you. I ran into the rite aid next door on a mission for head phones. When I say that I have tried every.single.kind. out there, I'm not kidding, in fact, my wallet wishes I was. Some fall out of of your ears, while others cut into your ears. Some seem to be great only to soon after stop working in one or both ear buds. Regardless of the exact issue they are all the same; useless.  So when I picked these 6 dollar ones off the self I instantly felt foolish for spending more money on yet another questionable product. I can't even tell you how worth it they are! (Honestly, I've tried some pretty costly ones, but they don't even compare. 6 bucks, you can't go wrong) They hug around your ears nicely and don't move at all no matter what. Thanks to these headphones, Lady gaga was my running buddy for the entire 7 miles. I haven't run to music in so long I forgot just how nice it is. Even though I mostly enjoy being alone in my head, it's nice to get a break. Plus I don't find many cd's to be as pumping as Born This Way.

I had a beautiful, flawless run. The air was crisp and fall like, allowing me to be able to wear my favorite long sleeve lulu lemon shirt. (they gave me that and a tank top free as a promo opportunity. I love their stuff, hate the prices - even though I do find it to be worth it, plus now that I don't live in the NYC area anymore, the closest one is in Canada. Boo.) It was just starting to get dark out leaving me to feel like I was tucked safely away in my own little world; the way the world was blurring as I ran past it almost felt dream like. I felt powerful and peaceful; I felt as if I could have ran forever. And I just may have if only my nervous woman wasn't waiting at home for me to return in one piece. I don't usually run by myself without the sun lighting my way, but today I just needed to. I'm thankful that despite her discomfort, she understood. It's hard to force yourself to get up and do things when you're feeling so low, but running really is my sanity and I'm so glad that I pushed myself to try. 7 miles isn't too shabby for someone who spent the morning searching for something, anything that resembled motivation.

<------- I owe part of the awesome run to my awesome running gear. I am a firm believer that sometimes great apparel can be some of the fuel behind a great run; theses are some of my favorites. My semi new Nikes have a lot of miles on them already because I use them for everything - every day walking, biking, and the occasional run. They have yet to fail me so I have been favoring them over the other... three. Nike headbands for me are a must (mostly because I like to joke about wearing Nike from head to toe. Literally.) The only flaw is that they don't have a slip grip, leaving me no choice but to bobby pin them in. A fear of mine is that one will fall out during a race and I will be face to face with the decision to leave it behind or to lose time picking it up. On race days, I use triple the bobby pins. A simple precautionary measure.  My Nike señor is really helping me pump out the miles. I have been toying with the idea of naming the woman that keeps track of my miles - I have yet to come up with something witty and fitting. My training log (a free gift from Runner's World magazine) has become my own personal bible. I love being able to see my progress and areas I need to work on all in one place.  I guess my lulu lemon shirt, iPod, headphones and arm band don't need too much of an explanation. Even though the arm band's plastic is cracked, and has been for some time, I can't bring myself to replace it. Its been good to me all this time. I will more than likely wait until it crawls off me and puts itself in the garbage.

 It was nice to come home to my wonderful woman already making dinner; protein, protein and more protein. She's the best. My 10k is this saturday making this "race prep week". That means a lot of (cautious) work and a lot of mindful food choices. Anything new or iffy introduced into my diet has the ability to ruin this run - my body is out of control with its issues, but if I want a good run, I have no choice but to respect that. This race means too much to me to willingly blow it.

If it makes you happy.

j

This little place is where Woman and I spent our time together this morning. It has the BEST ice coffee (and trust me, I've sampled all that my local area has to offer), friendly staff and a darling atmosphere. Naturally, it's my favorite coffee shop. She studied human guts while I updated my training log and got swept away in the latest issue of Runners Word magazine (I've more than likely read it twice already, but hey, I have to make it do until next month!)  I munched away on granola, a banana, all the while drinking half of my body weight in coffee (you know, the typical "pre run fuel") I couldn't help but feel like something big was going to happen, or something inside of me might actually be changing.  My mind started racing with all sorts of goals for next running season, and the one even after that - it was all processing so fast that I'm sure my legs couldn't run that fast to keep up, even if they really tried. So what if some of those things never make it to be my reality, it feels fulfilling and awesome to be setting long term goals for myself.  It might not be the "education route" that every one wants for me, but the point is (and the most important) is that I see running as a future for me - and that makes me happy, thats what I want to do.  Thats what I'm going to do. Let's face it, a degree in english isn't going to make me into a huge bread winner,  and it sure as hell isn't going to make me a better runner - so why waste my time? It might not pay the bills, but something else will. Running is where my heart is, one hundred percent. I feel like I had a huge "ah-ha!" moment this morning and I'm absolutely in love with the way it made me feel. Im proud of the goals I've set and the accomplishments I've achieved, even if they happen to differ from what everyone else wants. I never want to lose sight of this moment.

 I broke down and bought a new Nike sensor today after telling myself for the past few months that I really didn't need it. Truth is? For longer runs, I do need it. I live for that woman living in my iPod to tell me that my miles are half way done. So thank me apple? No, thank you. And I will be happy to continue extending my thanks if this one can last me for more than 187 miles.  The instructions say you get 1,000 hours out of this bad boy, but my old one (may the running gods bless its soul) died after only 30 - 40 hours. With its non replaceable, non rechargeable battery, it is needless to say, I was not/am not impressed. My love for Nike and addiction to milage made me give it another try. Fingers, toes and wallet are most certainly crossed.
 Any who, my original plan was to run 5 miles today, however actually being able to see my miles and time (or hear it, whatever you prefer) really gave me the spark and motivation to keep going for 8. I had to take little breaks in-between to work through stomach pain - but still, I'm really happy with it- especially with how it ended, and I'm proud that I was able to push through. This sensor is the key to training up to my 13 miles, I just know it. It's harder to give up on something when you an physically see just how far you've come. It also helps that the weather is FINALLY staring to change. Bring on fall! (but no rush on the snow, thanks.) I plan on repeating this same run in the morning, I just need my body to decide to be a team player.  Sometimes it gets hard to be your own coach - will no "formal" training or advice, I feel like I'm just winging it. I'd say that I'm doing a decent job so far, but I want to ensure growth and faster PR's - and I hope my dedication and slave training is enough to get me there. Plenty of people do this (whatever "this" is) without coaches, right? I have faith in myself. I just really hope thats enough.

Spinning my wheels.

 Finally, I decided last night that today would be a no running day. (yes, a rest day.. wait, whats that?) I figured my muscles hurt like hell and without any kind of recovery time they wouldn't get better. Logical, right? yeah not my body. I wake up this morning to find that there is no pain. zilch, nada, none, making it so much harder to actually take the day off. I toyed with the idea of running every single second that passed - almost to the point of an unhealthy obsession (the down side of being an all or nothing kind of girl.) One side of my head would say, "you're asking for an injury if you don't give your body a break", while the other side would say,       " you have a 10k, your first 10k, in a week - train, train train.. you can never be too prepared." At one point the woman (who I'm sure was sick of my whining and such) was like, just go!  But I knew better. Who knew that sticking to that part of a training plan would be more or less the hardest? I have to admit; I never have been too normal.
So I bummed around with these cuties; (Bailey, otherwise known as Queen B, on the left, and Elroy, otherwise known as Roybean on the right.)  to keep myself occupied- and them happily spoiled. Then after, putting my focus into getting ready for her white coat ceremony.  I wonder if all her accomplishments along the way to being a doctor gives her the same satisfaction and drive to go onto the next obstacle like my races do for me?  None the less, I couldn't have been more proud of her. Watching her fight her way to the top makes me want to do the same within my own passions. She's a good thing to have around.

Because taking the day completely off this close to my half is absurd, I spent a good a good hour and twenty mins on this baby. To be honest, I've really been slacking on the cross training so it felt good to ignore my inner resistance and just do it (now I sound like a Nike add. No real shocker there, I guess.) I don't love this because it really feels like a workout where as to running does not. Regardless, I achieved 20 miles on it, a goal I have yet to set and or reach until tonight! Even though I thought the last three miles would surely be the death of me, I knew I'd get them in. I rarely set goal that I don't intend on seeing through, it would be fair to say that I am my biggest competition. I strive to be better and stronger than myself - every day I try to be better than the day before. It doesn't always work out that way, but the mindset - I think - makes for great momentum. Its nice (as nice as staring at a wall for 20 miles can be) to have this thing at home - thank you Wal-mart and your 117 dollar product - but I really am missing the gym. I plan on getting back to it as soon as I can.  Side note : this bike doesn't have a water bottle holder and I've been too busy and cheap to get one, so I finally found a way to make it work! Perhaps an even bigger accomplishment that the 20 miles. I kid, I kid... well kinda. Before I get to bed, I must must must get some core work in. Another area I've been slacking in. I have to remind myself that there is behind the scene work that needs to be done in order to be a better runner.  Short cuts won't get me to the finish line.

Breathe, stretch, let it go.

 When Im on a kick, I'm terrible at allowing rest days. Muscle pain gets ignored, no matter how intense, blisters get over looked -  it's a horrible habit really but I'm always so scared of sitting down and not getting back up. Plus, that half marathon clock is ticking so loud in my head and running is the only thing that quiets it.  When my body really needs a break and I'm too busy pretending to look the other way, it pulls the one trick that always grabs my attention and sends me right into a instant stand still - blinding stomach pain. I hate it and I'll never understand it. Ive changed my diet again and again, been more mindful of my breathing, took tums and pepto before a run, slowed my pace, try to stretch it out, chewed gum.. the list is endless. My ideas are all gone, but the pain is still there.  I enjoyed my 3 mile run regardless. Ive been wanting to see the (HUGE) local cemetery sine I moved here, so I chose that as my scenery. So beautiful.

I gave my body a break and walked the rest of the way home. (A plus from this run? One of the older guys thats lives on my block said that I had great form and was light and tight on my feet. Im not sure exactly what that last part means, but I'm not one to turn down a running compliment. Ever. It was very nice of him, especially because my form is something I'm secretly a little self conscious of.) Usually I would be disappointed in myself, but I feel nothing of the sort. (shhh.. the slave driver in my head might actually be sleeping...)

I should be doing more cross training (we did buy a stationary bike, after all - so other than my less then loving feelings for it, there is really no excuse), so maybe to compensate for some miles later I'll suck it up. I haven't been on it in two weeks... oy.

Now that I'm stuck at home, I should be responsible and finish up my resume. How come no one told me how hard it would be to write one of those things??? I despise it, mostly because I'm finding it impossible to make myself sound good on paper. They want energetic, so what should I do? Add exclamation points to the end of every single word? I would think not, but I'm running out of ideas. It wouldn't be stressing me so bad if I wasn't asked for this resume by a potential employer that I really want to work for. Its the kind of job where you get to teach little kids the important of fitness and hopefully not only fight childhood obesity, but also give them tools that they can use throughout their lives. Its exactly the kind of job I wanted. Im not cut out for office work - a desk may as well be my grave.

 So the rest of my day to do list:

• Cross train at least ten miles. 
• Dishes. blah.
• Actually be ready in time for dinner with the woman and her out of town parents.
• Start putting together my running playlist. I've been saying that I'll get to this for over a month.
• oh yeah. finish resume. 

any who...

I got this on Amazon so I wouldn't have to take my heavy (but amazing) iPod touch on long runs any more. I'm slightly neurotic and would spend most my run in fear of it crashing to the ground and then being stepped on. Im not much of a materialistic person, but my iPod touch may as well be my child. For 12 bucks, this one is replaceable - I can't help but think of it as the ( not at all ugly) stepchild. I just hope it works well enough. I guess only time will tell.

 My mom booked a flight today to ensure that she would make it to my half marathon! Im so excited (but scared of disappointing her.) She's always been a huge supporter of my running and has somehow been involved in every race even if she had to miss the actual event. She tells me that she thinks I'll be the next Michael Phelps, but on land. I love her for thinking so highly of me, but at the same time - I'd have better luck becoming the next female president. (If I asked her, she'd more than likely tell me that I could do that too..) I digress. The point is, Im excited! I don't think she knows how much it means for her to be here for this. I won't let her down.

Falling through the cracks

 Remember that silly saying, "Don't step on a crack or you'll fall and break your back"? Running on cracked, raised or otherwise uneven side walks will make you rethink just how not silly that little rhyme really is. For me, Running on the unexpected is not unlike real life. It reminds me to focus on what's right in front of me, rather than what is behind or up ahead. Being in the here and now, embracing one moment before searching for the next is not something I'm generally good at - ever-  but during yesterdays spur of the moment (thank you coffee high) run, I found myself thinking so intensely about it that it hardly felt at all like my head and legs were connected. Those are really my favorite kinds of runs. I found myself understanding that it was important to focus on and really take in what's in front of you.. otherwise you might miss something, or you might really fall and break your back.

 Even though I haven't lived in Buffalo long, I have already been diswayed from local street running (unless the woman comes out for a late night run, but that doesn't happen too often); good streets bleed into bad ones without any warning, perhaps the creepiest of creepers I have ever encountered, due to poor side walks sometimes a run feels more like a game of hopscotch, and lastly? It's hard to clock accurate milage in my training log. At least if I run the local park, I know that milage inside and out (maybe even backwards and forwards), but I go there religiously out of habit - and comfort. So yesterday I chose to be sporadic, and when I finished it felt so good to know that I pushed myself through a comfort zone. I just might do it again today. I feel like a real runner again, I'm glad that believing I was anything but proved to be some sick and twisted, dark clouded phase. When I'm at peace with my sport, Im at peace with myself.

 Im learning to laugh at myself, and trust me, with some of the stuff I pull, I could either sink or swim without that trait. Prime example; I've been putting off getting new glasses for about a year now (In my language, "I'll do it soon" really means "I'll do it when my eye balls finally fall out and crawl there themselves.") so when I thought I saw one of the guys from my running club I didn't hesitate (mistake number one!) to yell out, "hey stranger!" only to realize as I got closer that neither this guy or myself had any idea who the other was. Awesome. I had two choices, commit to my act or literally run in the other direction. So what do I do? Pause my run briefly to pet the dog and tell him I haven't seen him around for a while. (mistake number two, the guy I thought he was doesn't even have a dog!) Mr. stranger didn't think I was  insane, and if he did, I'd stop him on the street again just to thank him for not being obvious. I laughed about it for a good mile. Maybe I can use my lack of vision as a way to make friends... hmmmm.. Speaking of..

 We had her formal last night and even though Im always anxious about trading my running shoes in for high heels, I have to admit that it felt good to have make up plastered to my face rather than sweat. I get so wrapped up in my athlete persona that its nice to be reminded that you're even just a little bit more than that. Of corse I couldn't leave my "inner runner" at home, and actually found some really awesome people on conversations built around it. I even met another runner!  All in all, I'd say it was a fulfilling day. =)

On your mark, get set, go....

 I always love the question, "Have you been running long?" Perhaps what I love even more than answering "No, I just started six months ago" is the facial expression that always follows.  It just feels good. I was the girl in high school that couldn't run for ten seconds, let alone the required mile. (How I made the volley ball team, I still don't know.) And now? I run every chance I get. It is the cheapest (and most effective) therapy I have ever tired, and is the most legal high out there.  Without it, I simply don't like the person that I am. Those seemingly endless miles and blazing summer days are secretly doing me a favor and although our love/hate relationship doesn't always reflect that, it couldn't be anymore true.

 Im building up for a half marathon. Wait, what? A.Half. Marathon. No matter how many times I say it, write it, think it, it never seems real enough. Something tells me that somewhere around mile ten of the actual event it might start to sink in. (Hopefully.) At one point, before the summer heat sucked the life out of me and a slight ankle injury brought me down to an insulting 2-3 miles, I had my "long runs" built up to the required 13.1 miles. I planned to keep going. Well, I found that theres a slight glitch in planning; it doesn't always work out. And now? with a little more than a month before this run, I'm slowly building my milage back up and tearing down my speed in the process. Im having a really hard time choosing between speed and high miles.. Im learning the hard way that you can't have both.  At least not yet, anyways ;)

 While Im running, every day feels like something new - even if it's really no different then the one before. Im learning to respect my body for its limitations and to be grateful for the abilities that it possess. I set a reasonable milage goal and tell myself that every extra mile is a gift. And really, it is. Its those extra miles, no matter how few they may seem, that make me the most proud of my effort. Running makes me do something that up until now could never do; listen to myself. Having all that time alone and in my own head has made me realize that maybe I'm not half bad after all =p

 I have high hopes for this blog - mainly to keep myself motivated (and busy, my girlfriend of three years just started med school..) but to also open up my world to others. Running at times can be a very isolating sport. This is my way of putting my heart, which could easily double as and even be mistaken for running shoes, on my sleeve. It's not always pretty, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

 Who doesn't love running stats? 

Current races finished to date : 7

                Upcoming: 3 (10k, 5k & a Half marathon)

Personal bests: 

5k- 24:04

5mile - 42:30